Author and addiction specialist Stephanie Brown, Ph.D. has a wish for all of us. She hopes that slowing down becomes trendy … really fast! (No, just kidding!) She recommends we get some “slow down buddies” to help us counteract what she calls our new addiction to speed.
Recently, I heard Brown speak about her new book, Speed: Facing Our Addiction to Fast and Faster–And Overcoming Our Fear of Slowing Down
“The tools of technology have created a condition of chronic stress for us as individuals and for the culture we live in. Society is captured in this out-of-control state of expectation and behavior. We do it to ourselves and others reinforce it.”
Addiction to a Lifestyle of “Speed”
Brown first noticed signs in the 1990s when her clients began complaining they were feeling overwhelmed by their lives, by a feeling of pressure to succeed, and by their actual achievements. They were enjoying the highs of work and financial rewards, yet living in fear that they couldn’t keep it up.
Because of her background as an addiction specialist (she’s written ten books on treating alcoholism and addiction), she sees America’s frenzied lifestyle as an addiction to “speed.” People are out of control in their push to do more, to always be on and available, and to never say no. She defines addiction as a behavior you cannot stop doing even though you need to stop.
But there’s good news: “Recognizing that this drive for speed is an addiction gives people a way out, a way to recover and return to a healthy and balanced life.”
She speaks from experience. As a recovering alcoholic who came face-to-face with her own limits and as a child of alcoholic parents, she recognizes the familiar complaints she’s been hearing in her office, on the lecture trail and from other therapists she works with.
Brown is not suggesting we give up technology but that we become more conscious of our addiction to it. Can we slow things down without giving up progress? She wants us to recognize that American society is now dominated by a deep conflict of interest: our culture demands speed from its members and it results in loss of control. Her goal is to make us aware that so many of us have become addicted to speed, how it’s encouraged and reinforced by our culture, and how seeing speed through the lens of addiction can help people reclaim their lives.
She lists 20 questions to help you consider whether you’re hooked on fast—questions that include the three strands of addiction: behavior, feelings, and beliefs. Here are a few:
- Do you keep adding activities without taking any away?
- Do you feel empty if you are not in constant action?
- Do you feel nervous without your tech gear in hand or pocket?
- Do you believe you will fall behind if you slow down?
Recovering From a Lifestyle of “Speed”
The second part of her book is devoted to recovering from a lifestyle of speed—how to step off the rat’s wheel and change your behavior. She explains that the first step is to recognize loss of control and accept that you need to change. Then acknowledge your limits and turn inward for some self-reflection rather than from the chronic outward view.
Change begins with small steps and admitting you have a problem. The road to recovery is a paradox: you must acknowledge the reality of your loss of control and your inability to regain it before you can change, in other words, accepting failure.
She then lists 20 guidelines for slowing down and getting unhooked from speed. Here are a few:
- Learn to pause, to reflect on your behavior, feelings, and thinking.
- Ask yourself, “What am I doing?”
- Become aware of feelings and learn to listen to them.
- Believe in the value of delay, endurance, and the concept of “enough.”
- Believe in the value and necessity of reflection as a part of health and success.
The book is a wealth of wisdom, filled with vivid stories, keen observations, and pages with steps to write down your own action plans. Brown truly cares about helping people and says she is always moved when a person calls to ask for help. Sometimes it’s the first time the person has ever spoken the word problem. Brown says that asking for help is not failure but the opposite—success in getting ready for change.
When Brown took questions at the end of her talk, an audience member asked if speed is generational. She thought it might be. Or if it isn’t, at least we Boomers know what we’ve lost, unlike our children and grandchildren.
Brown is grandmother to Haddie and Cammie, to whom she dedicated her book with the message: May you always savor the joys of quiet time in a slow-enough world.
Is the problem more prevalent in the Silicon Valley or is it all over the country? What do you think?
