I grew up in a family of phone talkers. In the ‘50s my mom talked to her mom every morning. My dad called his mother every night and my mom checked in with her sister-in-law every morning.

Flash forward five decades and I’m calling my mom every night to catch up on our days. This has become our nightly ritual since my dad died twelve years ago. I enjoy our conversations which may only last a few minutes or sometimes as long as a half hour.

Yesterday, four generations of us “girls” talked to each other. My daughter called my mom to say hello, and then a few minutes later she helped her two-year old call back so she could say hi to her great-grandma.

My five-year old granddaughter called me for our regular afternoon storytelling ritual. She’s learned to dial my number and I tell her a story while her little sister takes a nap. An hour later my daughter called me to catch up while she was out walking and I ended the evening by calling my mom to say good night. I told her how blessed I was that I could talk to my granddaughter, daughter and mom all in one afternoon.

Checking in by phone is a family tradition that helps us stay connected. It always seemed “normal” to me until I heard a conversation on Dr. Laura’s radio call-in show a few years ago. A woman caller mentioned she spoke to her mother everyday. Dr. Laura immediately jumped on her and said: “What in the world could you have to say to your mother everyday?” She made the woman feel as if she had participated in some aberrant behavior. I felt sorry for her and for Dr. Laura, too. Too bad Dr. Laura never had a good relationship with her mother—she might have enjoyed the friendship that is possible between mothers and daughters.

Many women phone their moms daily and many wish they still had that opportunity. Those of us who still can call our mothers are blessed. We know there’s one person who will always care about us and want to know what’s going on. And when your mother needs you, hopefully you’ll be there for her, too.

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Author Sally Wendkos Olds embodies her own description of the new Super Granny. She doesn’t look or act like her own grandmother—“a sweet old lady wrapped in a shawl and permanently glued to her couch.” Sally has streaks of crimson in her silver hair and she’s a blogger, a world traveler, a runner and an avid text messager. She’s also written ten books on such diverse topics as breastfeeding to traveling in Nepal.

As a super granny, she’s given a lot of thought to the relationship between grandmother and grandchild. She has five grandchildren who’ve traveled with her, run with her, shopped with her and enjoyed a multitude of other fun activities. Her book will definitely inspire grandmothers to connect with their grandchildren in so many creative ways.

Super Granny is written in a conversational style and so fun to read you won’t be able to put it down—unless you’re like me. I had to stop every few pages and look up the websites and resources she recommends, like backgrounds for emails and text message emoticons.

The book is a well-researched collection of 75 stories from grandmothers describing the activities they enjoy with their grandchildren.  The activities are divided into four age groups: Infancy to Age Three; Three to Six; Six to 11; and 12 to 18. Each section begins with a short developmental summary for the age group. For each activity there are icons that give you a quick snapshot of cost, energy level, the kind of creative activity, and whether they’re suitable for long-distance.

As I read, I was inspired and excited to try new activities with my granddaughters like identifying seashells at the beach or finger knitting. For those of you with young grandchildren, you’ll get excited for them to grow up so you can enjoy experiences like attending a Grandparents University or Grandparents camp.

The activities range from low-tech ideas, like creating a magical closet for your preschool-age grandchildren to high-tech ideas, like publishing a family cookbook with your adolescent grandchildren. She encourages her readers to learn new skills, like text messaging to keep current with their teenage grandchildrens interests. At the end of the book there’s a wonderful list of resources with a section on communicating with your grandkids.

Her examples triggered ideas that made me put down the book and do something for my own grandkids. One grandma wrote weekly letters to her two-year old granddaughter with puzzles and cartoons from the newspaper. I remembered an article I’d seen about fancy tree houses, so I sent it off to my five-year old granddaughter with a handwritten note the way my grandma used to do for me.

After reading Super Granny, I couldn’t help envying Sally’s five grandchildren. She is one vibrant grandmother devoted to sharing her energy and enthusiasm with her grandkids. What a wonderful gift this book would make for a grandma-to-be.

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On our summer vacation last year, five-year old Juliet rode in the backseat of our car and kept a keen eye on my driving. She pointed out that I wasn’t always using my blinker when I changed lanes or made turns. So I started paying more attention and diligently used my turn signal for every turn and lane change. Whenever I did, she would pipe up from the backseat: “Good job, Baba!”

The day after we got home, I was driving to my yoga class and smiled to myself.  At every turn, I signaled and imagined hearing Juliet’s voice reinforcing my good behavior. I am a proud graduate of Juliet’s Blinker Training Academy.

Juliet is equally conscientious about washing her hands, a habit ingrained by her mother very early in life. Even before she turned five, Juliet was keenly observant in public bathrooms. On a visit to the library we went to use the bathroom. While we were in there, a woman who used the toilet, walked out without washing her hands. Juliet noticed immediately, then turned to me and said: “Baba, that woman should have washed her hands.”

When we left the bathroom, Juliet walked straight over to the library guard and announced in a really loud voice: “A woman went potty and didn’t wash her hands!”

The guard got a big kick out of it. But, it turns out she was onto something. Peer pressure helps people remember to wash their hands. In the March 15 USA Weekend Magazine an article listed “5 Things You Don’t Know about Hand Washing.” One of them cited a study of hand-washing habits among 100 college women. When students were alone in the loo, 45%  “forgot” to wash their hands, vs. 9% when another student was present.

I hope Juliet keeps her wonderful honesty. We need kids who know how to model good behavior.

______________

Juliet’s grandpa satirized the library incident in a cartoon for the family journal…

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Quincy Adams Harding gets my vote for the luckiest ten-month old in Silicon Valley. Three weeks before she was born, both sets of Quincy’s grandparents completed the Grandparents Seminar offered by Lucille Packard Children’s Hospital in Palo Alto, CA. Since then, both sets of doting grandparents take turns babysitting for Quincy on alternate Fridays and apply what they learned at the seminar.

These two families are part of a growing trend among grandparents to be better informed when their new grandchild arrives. So many changes have occurred since grandparents raised their own children and classes can help new grandparents get up to speed and understand what they’re observing without having to ask or challenge the new parents.

The LPCH Grandparents Seminar is just two hours and draws pre– and postnatal grandparents from all over the Bay area, Southern California and even from the East Coast. The class aims to update grandparents-to-be on the latest obstetric and pediatric practices. Marilyn Swarts, RN has been teaching the Grandparents Seminar since its inception about four years ago.

She encourages grandparents to ask their children what they think versus volunteering too much advice. “It’s so hard because we’re still in the parent mode and just want to help our children,” says Swarts. “But they must learn for themselves. Better to ask them: What do you think would be a good solution? I want grandparents to empower the new parents, help them believe they’re the best parents for their child and make them feel comfortable and confident in their new roles.”

Quincy’s grandma empathizes. “Today’s parents are really stressed. They need grandparents to be supportive, observant and complimentary. And most importantly to keep their lips zipped!” Taking the class helped her be able to hear things from a new mom’s viewpoint. She says she’s more sensitive to her daughter-in-law and becoming a grandparent has created a new relationship with her.

The Grandparents Seminar is taught four times a year. The cost is $60 per couple or $125 if you also take the Infant and Child CPR class. For more information call 650–724-4601 or visit www.birthclasses.lpch.org.

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