Before I read The Sacred Work Of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
What made you write this book?
The book actually found me. I was in Washington D.C. and heard Hillary Clinton addressing 1,000 parenting grandparents who were attending their first national rally. I sat down to listen and the Ohio/Indiana contingent adopted me and invited me to their dinner that night. I was totally overwhelmed by their stories, challenges and commitment to their grandkids.
When I learned that 1 out of 10 children were being raised part or full time by their grandparent(s), I wondered why I had not heard this before. Why is this not known by the public? Why aren’t we talking about this?
The following year I interviewed 60 parenting grandparents around the country and began writing. My work with children and elders lent itself well to understanding their issues, and when I realized there was nothing out there for kinship caregivers to understand the social, psychological, emotional, physical, or financial challenges related to the loss and trauma their grandchildren were experiencing, I decided to write the book.
As a national speaker, I thought I could get the public’s support for what these grandparents are doing. Three years later, when my second draft of the book was coming to completion, my sister became a parenting grandparent to her two grandchildren. I threw that draft out and started again because now I really “got” it. I decided to use the grandparents’ stories as the theme for the book to honor their enormous sacrifices on behalf of their grandchildren.
Why do you call it sacred work?
When I saw and understood the complex challenges these grandparents face on a daily basis, I realized what they were doing was beyond extraordinary. It was noble and sacred. When I meet a 69-year old grandparent who just adopted her infant granddaughter, I am in awe. When I talk to grandparents about their own adult child and how they struggle to cope with their own child’s alienation and emotional problems, I wonder how they get through the day dealing with their guilt, shame, worry, fear, and upset.
When I see their sacrifices—retirement time and money and how many go back to work part or full time to make ends meet; or how they have lost their friends and social circle who negatively judge them for raising their grandchildren, I think to myself “this is beyond what anyone could possibly expect from a human being.”
When I see them move beyond their own physical limitations or illnesses, or their fatigue and lack of privacy, to raise their grandkids in a loving, secure, safe home, I don’t know any other word other than “sacred” that reflects the depth of their commitment to their grandchildren. The notion that grandparents are pushing again the natural flow of the life cycle in order to give their grandchildren a chance at a meaningful life is sacred work!
What was it like to meet and interview these families?
I interviewed over 60 parenting grandparents for my book and since it was published in September, 2011, I have interviewed at least 40 more, including my own sister. It is both humbling and overwhelming to hear their stories. Silently, I often wondered, “How do you do it?” “Where do you get the strength and resolve?” [click to continue…]
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